Session 384

[SESSION 384]

[DECEMBER 4, 1967 10 :15 PM MONDAY]

(This session is deleted from the record.)

(Jane and I engaged in a long discussion this evening, covering a lot of ground concerning her symptoms, my role, her lingering and bothersome symptom hang-ons, etc. Much of what we talked about is developed in the brief session that followed. For the first time, however, Jane gave voice to some doubts about the sessions that I had not realized she entertained. The purpose of the discussion was to unearth any reasons for the symptoms that we hadn't touched upon, and we struck pay dirt here. These discussions are uniformly beneficial.)

[(I did not expect a session to follow the discussion, but at 10:15 Jane announced she could hold one. She began speaking in trance in a quiet voice, with a few pauses, eyes open often.)

Now---I shall be brief, as you are tired.

This was not the whole problem. It is merely the portion of the problem that still remains. It has been there since the first.

(Jane's intellectual reluctance to wholeheartedly accept the sessions and all they implied.)

Ruburt was strongly committed to the sessions on the one hand, and highly skeptical on the other. Your own illness did literally terrify him, and he feared that if he faced his true doubts concerning my existence, that he would hurt you.

(Pause. Jane gives the sessions credit for ending my own serious illness in 1963.)

His own inner belief in the sessions was strong, and is still strong, but the other conflict continued. He misused such abilities in a past life, and this time he is having to work for them.

The spontaneous self is learning to manipulate and maneuver within the somewhat rigid ego limitations. Yet the ego has also expanded, and has allowed channels to open. The classes (ESP) are a means to that end .

We will have a freer hand since Ruburt has vocalized some of his doubts.

Before he was reluctant to do so as clearly as he did this evening. Had there been a strong or powerful overall threat to Ruburt, [I] would have discontinued the sessions. These are growing ains, that are already passing.

Now, if you have any questions I will answer them. I simply wanted you to have my statement on this evening's discussion.

(How much of a part is Jane's past-life misuse of her psychic abilities playing in this life?)

Simply that this time he must work harder to accept the abilities that last time he took so for granted, and misused.

(Was this in Boston?)

This was.

(In what way were they misused?)

He used them indiscriminately. (Pause.) Wait now... He let them run away with him, and is doubly afraid now. He used little common sense, and was overly emotional, reading signs where there were none, and ignoring the fine intellect that he had even then.

(Was he male or female?)

This is an overcompensation, you see.

(Was he male or female?)

This is also the reason for his strong reaction concerning spiritualism.

He fears over indulgence. (Pause.) He operated as a professional medium on Guinnip Street, perhaps 451 , or any sequence of those numbers.

His own mother in this life had, and has, abilities. He was frightened of her , you see, and therefore frightened of the abilities. There is a growing acceptance on the part of the whole ersonality now; as he sees these abilities help others, his students for example, he grows to trust them more.

He was never afraid of me. He was afraid for portions of himself, for reasons having little to do with me, per se. (Pause.) The spontaneous self he was afraid of. The conscientious self becomes much more pleased as time goes on and others are helped.

It is Ruburt's nature you see to accept heartily or to disagree heartily, to plunge headlong into, or to run from, and the psychic developments made it impossible for him to do either; or rather his reactions made wholehearted acceptance or rejection impossible. This put him in a nether land, to him highly unacceptable.

(And here, probably, is the key to the whole dilemma.)

Periods of belief would be followed by periods of skepticism, and the wavering nature makes it most difficult for me to give him the very assurance that he needs. This was one of the reasons for the table developments, and these will be followed by others.

He is highly skeptical of AA, when he tries to consider him as an individual person, but is perfectly content to think of him as a force . (Pause.) It is not his early complete acceptance of the Catholic Church that is a block here. It is his disillusionment with the church that followed. For this led him to skepticism. And to a distrust of spiritual matters.

You are tired. You may end the session or break as you prefer. I have said what I felt necessary, so do as you wish.

You feel my presence, you see, because you allow yourself to do so.

(One of the points we discussed before the session.) Ruburt feels my presence now, and during many sessions, and he knows it well.

Often he simply distrusts what he feels , but the feeling is primary. The help that the sessions afforded you has been given. It has happened. It is not reversible. (Smile.) You have taken it and used it and made it a part of yourself. Ruburt need have no doubts there.

For himself he knows that he will continue, that his improvement is definite. Though the decision is his, I have never come when I was not wanted, nor would I.

I am with you now, though our voice is mild enough, very strongly this evening, and I am making an effort to make my presence known quite definitely to you and to Ruburt; and I shall do this more frequently to build up Ruburt's confidence.

He does not realize the full strength of his psychic acquiescence, you see, which is far superior to his egotistical half-denials.

Now do as you prefer.

("We'll take a short break.")

(10:44. Actually this was the end of the session. I had asked for a break only in case Jane had any questions she wanted Seth to answer.]

(She had been far out. Her eyes opened quite slowly. She had, she said, been quite aware of Seth's presence, but when asked could not describe it.)