Session 691

(SESSION 691 (DELETED PORTION)]

[MARCH 25, 1974 MONDAY]

(The following material is from the 691st session for Monday, March 25, 1974.)

[(12:32 AM.) I have a few beginning, small but pertinent remarks to make. I will continue them after our next book dictation.

They are hints. I am pointing out here a few considerations---not important in themselves, but for what they represent.

Take Ruburt's literal mind into consideration in line with what I say.

While he worries sometimes about future money, or how he will make out, generally speaking he can handle that, and knows that left alone his creativity will, and is, producing financial as well as other results. He may worry about prices in the grocery store---and he does---but you do think in terms of financial limitations.

Your daily remarks constantly speak of financial lack, except when you make a particular attempt to speak differently.

The tax episode threw Ruburt into a quandary---not only because of the situation, but because you, he felt, felt so threatened that there was no joy in his royalty check. You have not, either of you, begun to appreciate your physically apparent financial abundance; and you refuse, to some extent, to take comfort from it, but instead concentrate upon high prices without being really consciously aware of the fact that you are able to meet them.

You have abundance in that area. It is growing and will continue to grow, but it will bring you no more comfort unless you learn to appreciate it. This is important, because of Ruburt's ideas about writing and work.

The more financially threatened he feels, the less free he feels to be creatively himself, and the more something like a book deadline gains in importance. You make a point, each of you, of concentrating upon your financial lacks, rather than your gains. You are not blind to your gains but you do not emphasize them.

You did very well, suggesting you eat out, and in some other areas, Joseph, and helped Ruburt several times lately in important ways. When he feels financially threatened, however, that is when he pulls in his horns, cuts down on creativity, and tries to do his "job.'' He is afraid of overbuying at the grocery store, of wasting food. He feels guilty in your eyes if students owe him, because this does not seem practical. Then he feels unappreciated and hurt, feeling he is not doing enough, and then resentful and angry.

He purposely went to a store (Elmira Discount) where he would not find clothes.... Looking for houses, in a strange way, made him feel good, for he realizes that you could afford one. His request that you surprise him with buying him clothes is an unconscious attempt to get you to express some financial exuberance, or trust.

The vibrator is good. It is a teaching mechanism---helping him with it is good, for it shows him that you think it is all right for him to relax and let go. That is why your conversation earlier was advantageous, because you do not often verbalize your feelings.

There will be more. For now, good evening.

("Thank you, Seth, and good night." 12:50 AM.)