August 6, 1975

[DELETED SESSION]

[AUGUST 6, 1975 9:01 PM WEDNESDAY]

(We sat for a session tonight, as instructed by Seth in the deleted ortion of last Monday evening's session.)

Now: good evening.

(Good evening, Seth.)

I found your discussions just now provocative and amusing. And I'm sure that you are each aware of the implications that are involved, in your saving ways ---in your dislike of waste (re our new dehumidifier, some old soup I threw out, wine, etc) .

Nature realizes that there is no such thing as waste. This statement applies also to your earlier questions this evening about the sperm.

Nothing in the stream of life is wasted, and everything, whether in your system of reality or not, is in the stream of life. You were born in the Depression, Ruburt shortly thereafter. Thrift was a necessity in those times. There were great contrasts in that period, however---deprivation, severest economic conditions, a spareness of attitude, set off by the greatest criminal activity, the wildest of parties. People broke the rohibition laws who never drank before, and did not like to drink. The ideas of thrift and the puritan attitudes were not the result of the Depression, but helped cause it.

Many people were afraid of the wealth they had amassed. Their severe religious training made them feel that any luxury was sinful ---and so they set about to upset their own apple cart. They were aided by those who had not yet "so succeeded"---people driven by envy. No one should at least consider a lush field filled with all kinds of cultivated flowers sinful. Luxury is not sinful, and there is no such thing as waste. While you believe that there is, however, then you are faced with it.

(9:13.) In deeper terms creativity springs from what could legitimately be called wasteful action (intently) . The rich unconscious is wasteful in those terms, since it seems to you that it contains memories and sensations that are not used in practical everyday life.

Nature deals with abundance, in which there is no waste. Your life rests secure on top of numberless probabilities, but those probabilities, though not realized by you, are not wasted. When you try to tie a great talent down to a practical end like "making a living,"

then you are wasteful (forcefully) .

In your society talent, even genius, tries to ally itself, at least for a while, with your economic needs, for if the body does not eat the abilities will not survive. Left alone, the abilities will see to it that economic survival is achieved. It will see to abundance, and not in a self-serving manner but as a leaf seeks sunlight. Am I going too fast?

(No.)

Then however the abilities want to grow and thrive, and the economic factors must no longer be a prime incentive. If they are there will be difficulty. The personality will try to develop its abilities further in a freer, more mature fashion, but the old habits will hold the personality back. "Will this sell or won't it?"

That question was more or less imperative when Ruburt was learning to use his abilities. Not only that, but the economic need itself was important, helping to focus those abilities to some degree, to the needs and desires of others as well as himself.

Plants also need water beside sunlight. Let us say for our analogy that water provides the free-flowing motion of ideas circulating through the syche freely. It is as if Ruburt said "Aha, I must have the sun, or economic security, so my abilities can grow," and became so concerned about that that he forgot the need for watering.

When I say economy however I am not simply speaking of economics in financial terms---rather in the larger meaning of economy in sparing down, cutting out nonessentials, fearing to waste not simply money, but energy or time. All of these ideas are based upon the fear that an individual possesses only so much energy that must be hoarded, directed---not easily, but with fantastic force. The clothes dryer in the basement represents energy that you are afraid to use. You realize you have the money to run the machine, or to buy the washer. It seems somehow sinful, however, wasteful and wrong.

(9:30.) Give us a moment.... It, the machine, rebukes you by its presence, because it represents a dilemma. All of this is quite aside from the exterior energy crisis. The grasping, licentious attitudes connected with world energy are the results of the same attitudes. There is not an energy crisis. While you believe, however, that energy is limited then you are gluttonous for using it at the expense of poorer nations---who will then, sharing the same belief, retaliate. Energy must be used. It creates more of itself. It cannot be hoarded.

Ruburt has been trying to be economical in terms of money, energy and time. He differed from you only in that he carried your own ideas and his further in certain respects. In others, financially for example, he broke away first and you followed. The idea of the spare, poor young artist or writer, living romantically in a garret or poor apartment, has served as a handy self-image for many in their early years, providing a sense of dignity that enabled such apprentices to make their way. You chose the circumstances. You purposely chose a time involved in which writers and artists had it "hard"---so you cannot turn around then and blame the society. You each wanted to be apart from it to some extent.

You (RFB) proved to yourself that your art could support you when you were young. You made good money. Then you immediately disentangled your abilities from economics in a particular fashion. You used your dexterity in "artistic" ways in your jobs---but the bulk of your artistic yearnings were divorced completely from the world at large. Ruburt did not know that his abilities could ever bring him money.

When you worked in an art department, even though you knew you were doing "commercial work," society referred to you as an artist. You had a certain prestige. When Ruburt needed jobs he worked in a factory, or he was a sales clerk or a door-to-door sales person---jobs he felt that gave him no prestige. He was afraid, however, of such jobs---prestigious ones---for fear the need for money would lead him to neglect his work.

He became more economical.

If he could not go out so often, if he could not go on vacations, if he could not leave his desk, he would save not only energy but time and money as well. You would not spend so much. He would not be tempted to buy so many clothes. You cannot separate your beliefs in one area from those in another, for they are so beautifully connected. Ruburt's talents are luxurious. They will automatically bring you luxury.

Abilities must be ultimately tied in with your greatest inner aspirations--- [not tied down] by your fears.

For some time in the past, I grant you, you each considered sex uneconomical in terms of time and energy. Rather than avail yourselves of its great refreshment, you thought of the time taken from your work, each of you; beside this Ruburt feared pregnancy, seeing a child not as any kind of fulfillment, but as an artistic and economic disaster.

(9:54.) You tried to separate emotions from work---an impossibility. Compare for a moment, if you can, your love of technique in a painting with the way you write. You have been searching for a larger-than-life technique---looking for the greater dimension in which beloved details rest---and only your own ideas of economy have hampered you. There is greater economy in [what you think of]

(underlined three times) as waste---a divine economy in which "all"

waste is lovingly used and transformed.

Only in creative play does great "work" emerge. Only from exuberant impracticality do any so-called practical inventions come. The creative mind and spirit transforms the "waste" that others would disdain. It rises above all practicality into those greater realms of emotional and spiritual abundance that gives birth to all worlds.

You have your existence now as yourself. Nebene has his existence in his own now as himself, and there are many others. Joseph in Seven is a representation of another portion of your being that is connected with Bill Macdonnel. Your "purpose" is to bring those diverse aspects together, to form them into your own kind of artistic production---to wed in your life and art those seemingly diverse qualities of spontaneity and order, spareness and abundance, beloved detail and wholeness, and to form in your life and art a new kind of synthesis.

Ruburt has the same kind of challenges, and each of you have helped the other in portions of your lives together. There are balances that you achieve. Your help with the pendulum has many significances, therefore: you are taking the time out to help. Your active love comes to the forefront.

There is nothing strange in the fact that Ruburt begins to have sexual feelings as the muscles begin to feel toward flexibility (legs) . His physical difficulty has involved then his ideas of economical action---the cutting out of waste. These ideas, again, are a part of the one line of consciousness that says "You have only so much energy and so much time. You must therefore 'use' time and energy well; ractically you must not waste time or effort. If you have a purpose and you want to achieve it badly enough, then everything else must be sacrificed for it---because "time marches on." "Time is money."

(10:12.) Deep friendships are out, for they are not ractical. They would take time and energy that should be devoted to work. Now no one is saying--- me least of all---that you forget ideas of needed solitude. There is little worry that either of you will do that (emphatically) . Yet there can be danger that you forget that creative time can produce in an hour magic creations that ten hours of frightened, enforced time can never do---and that a moment's inspiration in a bar, or with company, or on a walk in the park can bring forth world-changing theories that no amount of fearful economy of time will ever deliver.

Most of this is out in the open, but you did not understand the connections that existed between your ideas about the dryer and food and frames, and how they applied to your mental and physical habits. Your art is set off by your frames---so you deny your paintings their natural setting.

The frame connects the painting with the world, and yet divides it from it in the most beautiful of fashions. It makes little difference whether you buy a washer, or ever use your dryer or dishwasher, but it does make a difference that you understand your feelings about these items, and know how those feelings connect with your deeper activities.

I will end shortly. Your pendulum help is all important because of what it represents---on emotional levels, and because Ruburt then does not feel so alone in his dilemma. When you give pendulum directions however other portions of your psyche come through in a loving directing fashion, and the greater contact is made than you realize.

End of session.

(You said last time that you were going to say something about his teeth.)

That is connected with the entire affair, with the jaw tension obviously. The mouth can be cleared. The suggestions are helping. Take a break, then.

(10:22---10:38.)

Now: Ruburt's teeth further followed through, and were a kind of safeguard, for if he lost his symptoms, still he would not look good enough to go on television.

You unwittingly provided the key in a remark several years ago---you are both aware of the remark. Beyond that, the condition is the result of the other, so that the jaw is under such tension that the teeth are compressed and literally jolted out of their sockets. This has nothing to do with tartar.

Tell Ruburt that even in the old terms it is not economical to take such an amount of time for simple movements to the bathroom, for example. He holds his urine as he holds his breath, hardly taking time to breathe.

This is not creative action, or productive action, as he is now with your help beginning to realize.

He took these steps for his own reasons, but you have come together in a joint reality, so his situation is teaching you things that you wanted to learn, and you are learning through his example. You would not take on that physical coloration. In a way however you are working through the same problems artistically, and Ruburt would never accept that coloration, so he has learned from you there.

It is foolish to say "Why does it take so much time to learn?" For each learning process is highly unique, and contains within it particular achievements that you yourself want; and these achievements not only rise above the difficulties, but in the greater view the steps are seen as steps "upward"---the individualized problems understood as the same kind of challenges you might set for yourself to conquer in a painting, or as part of the entire creative process.

When a masterpiece is created everything else is forgotten, and so it is with life situations. It is silly in painting to say "Why did I at first choose that color, which did not work, instead of the final completed hue?" You have in art underpainting. In life you work with many "underpaintings" at once---and while it may seem at any given level that one underpainting lacks or is weak, later it will be seen as an important part of the whole.

Each problem set is solved, for yourself, and the solutions become a part of racial knowledge. You are each on the way to important kinds of progress in this life, and what you are learning about the quality of consciousness is important.

Ruburt will be far better physically. The accomplishment of working this through for yourselves however is far more significant than you realize, for it necessitates motion through fields of consciousness that you and others did not expect existed.

Now. This is the end of our uneconomical session. Ruburt was correct in the material on long and short thoughts for our book.

A hearty and reassuring good evening---and with probabilities as they are , within a year the large bulk of physical hassles with Ruburt will be behind him ---that is, he will be navigating more or less normally, with further agility to follow.

("Good night, Seth." 10:59 PM.)