Session 208

(SESSION 208 (DELETED PORTION)]

[NOVEMBER 15, 1965 10:29 PM MONDAY]

(Personal material from the 208th session, November 15, 1965. Not included in the regular record. Delivered at our request.)

[(Jane speaks very rapidly, eyes open most of the time. Voice average.)

Now. I have had several matters to discuss with you.

Our sessions in general, the matter of spontaneity and discipline, your own fears, rather natural enough, concerning any subconscious effect I might have on Ruburt.

These are rather important matters that should be discussed. The question concerning the broken dishes rather amused me personally. There are, then, the separate questions concerning your health, Joseph, and Ruburt's.

Now I realize that you obviously are mainly concerned with the annoying hysical symptoms. And since we cannot cover everything I suggest that we discuss these points first.

I would not like the matter of the sessions in general, and the subconscious influence question, to go by the board however, and in one way or another we must find time for those matters.

I will now, ordinarily, pick up any dangerous warning signals concerning your health or Ruburt's, but it is still a good idea to query me now and then directly.

I would suggest perhaps a session, or part of a session, perhaps once a month, to be directed along these lines. Under most circumstances the tail end of a session such as this will do well.

Now, on your part we will use the word envy rather than jealousy. (Jane smiled.) There is a difference. This has to do with your friend (J. Spaziani) , and an excellent friend he is indeed.

You are itching to have what he has, quite literally. This should be clearly understood, for envy is a potentially dangerous emotion.

There is a difference between wanting more, which is legitimate, and envying those who have more, for in such cases you harm not only yourself but those whom you envy.

A simple and weak salt solution will help clear up the physical symptoms, applied twice daily.

A serious and humble consideration of the man's problems, which are very difficult indeed, should help clear up the envy.

(Yes.)

For upon his shoulders rests the burden of what he owns, and he fears with a steady, nearly unending panic that he will not be able to keep this, through ill health. The panic is wild and like a storm. Basically you do not consider the terms. You do not realize that he has long ago made a bargain to give his family those things which he feels will content them, only to find them less content. For to deliver these things he must, because of his nature, deprive them of other more important considerations.

You would feel twice as trapped in his circumstances. He wants to share with you what he has, and in your visits, to which he and his wife look forward, in your acceptance of his hospitality and food and drink, he hopes for some justification.

There is an affinity between you. He likes to think that under different circumstances he could live as you live. The need for money literally strangles him. He wants to help you , rather normally, because he feels rather illogically but understandably, that in helping you he helps a part of himself. For there is an isolated characteristic in him, and a completely undeveloped talent, though not in painting.

There is little need for you to itch to have what he has. Because of your past existence as a landowner, you particularly are resentful of those who own land. This was one of my main reasons for suggesting strongly that you buy the specific property, a while back.

Such a procedure would have satisfied a strong demand of your nature, but it would not have isolated you to an unhealthy degree, since it was close by.

Acres were hardly involved. Nevertheless any reasonable plot of land would have satisfied this to a reasonable and realistic degree. You cannot afford to satisfy it at this oint to a large degree, and in any case your desire for land would have to be completely allowed to dominate all other considerations, to be completely satisfied.

Now, to make you feel better: had you bought the house, you would have been exactly as well off now as you are, no more and no less. Ruburt's book would still have been written. He would not have had to stay at the gallery but two months longer.

That is all of the land.

Now. The envy applied to your friend should be easily dissipated, since you understand it. Envy by itself however is something else again. I want to tell you how to handle this positively, for it can work for you.

There is nothing wrong, and much beneficial, in strongly imagining yourself as the possessor of property. To imagine yourself enviously (underline) as the owner of another man's property is harmful.

To suggest vividly that you will find property that you will like and can afford, will help you attain it.

I do not know how tired you are. Now or later we can discuss your hand.

("Go ahead.")

(It was about 10:53. This delivery began at 10:29, at the end of the regular 208th session. I was very pleased to obtain the above material, for it confirmed what I had learned on my own through using the pendulum this week.)

First of all, all this is connected with the question of discipline and spontaneity of sessions, for I could have spoken at any time.

(I thought you could have.)

It may appear that Ruburt is too easy or too willing to hold sessions. However his ego is very well in control, so well in control that on occasion when I would have spoken on these very matters I have not been allowed to do so. Of course I realize the time limitations, and others.

Do you want a break?

("A short one.")

(Break at 10:58. Jane had been dissociated as usual. Her pace had been quite fast, her eyes open and closed; she resumed in the same manner at 11:09.)

Now, as briefly as possible. The hand was connected with the envy, and also with the difficulty involving the penis. This is somewhat complicated.

The envy caused you to be angry at the hand, which was not bringing you the financial results that envy required. Therefore you punished the hand. Subconsciously your reasoning went like this: "If I were any shape of a man, the hand would bring me what I wanted." And translating this into literal terms, you changed the shape of the penis.

You did not incapacitate the penis or the hand, you see. You did not after all blame yourself that much. (Seth amused; I laugh.)

Ruburt, incidentally, simply because of his nature and through no design, was of benefit to you here, since he never commented on the enis in an adverse manner.

(I knew that.)

Now. The symptoms would vary at times. You also felt that in order to satisfy envy, you would have to change yourself from your direct course to a crooked course. Here again, the shape of the penis.

The hand faltered out of two reasons, for two reasons.

You faltered in your purpose subconsciously, so the hand was allowed to falter. You were not steady on your course, and the hand faltered. Yet because you are an artist above all, you also punished yourself for your envy with the faltering hand, so that the hand expressed two needs.

(Why was my hand better last week?)

Now lately the hand has improved because the envy itself was given direct expression through the itch. The itch therefore became the unishment for the envy that it expressed. This was a more direct, less involved, less frightening symptom, a localization in other words. The envy being realized subconsciously for what it was, isolated in such a manner, meant that the hand need no longer falter.

(This too I had learned through the pendulum. However I wouldn't say the itching was a less frightening symptom.)

Since we are bringing all of this into the open, the symptoms should begin to disappear quickly.

We have something else here however to say concerning the penis, which is very amusing under the circumstances, and not simple.

On the one hand you are pleased because Ruburt does not demand a large amount of physical goods, in usual terms. On the other hand you have the hilarious suspicion, when you are envious of others, that if he wanted more you would get more for him. You could blame him, and therefore have your cake and eat it too; so that the penis difficulty is also aimed in his direction, rather literally.

It is also so aimed in another manner. For when you are envious you become angry at yourself, but also angry at him, for you cannot hel thinking that if he worked harder, if he did something, of what you are not certain, then he would make more money, and you could still have what envy demands. So here again the penis difficulty, for he sat home full time writing, while you work part time, and yet he has not made all that money.

One more thing here. A connection with your mother, in that you feel that she never considered your father a true, straight man because he did not do well financially.

The manipulations here should be obvious, and they result again in the shape of the penis. All of these difficulties are not organically serious. Functionally they certainly are not beneficial however, and they should now begin to better themselves. Much of this has already been worked out by your own subconscious, and with this session the situation should quickly begin to show signs of improvement.

The penis difficulty may last longer, for it is more involved, but it is in no way dangerous to you, and left alone it will disappear.

I will leave you to tell me when you need a break, or when you want the session terminated.

("Let's take a short break then.")

(Break at 11:29. Jane had been well dissociated. Her delivery had been fast, her eyes open much of the time, and she smoked steadily. Her voice sounded somewhat dry. My hand had long ago gone half numb. She resumed again in the same manner at 11:39.)

Now, I simply do not know where to begin with our friend Ruburt. First of all however, one small point. I have never manipulated his subconscious, in any manner, and both of you called me the evening of our last unscheduled session. We will devote some time to this whole matter.

(Here Seth refers to the unscheduled session held on Friday, November 5, for Ann Diebler, Paul Sinderman, and Marilyn and Don Wilbur. A few notes about it preface the 206th Session. Consciously I had not wanted to have the session, since I thought our guests not well-enough repared.)

Now as to Ruburt's health.

One session is not enough here. For the interconnections that exist between the two of you, several sessions would give you an excellent basis for understanding yourselves in relationship to one another. I do not know where to begin.

The back problem was particularly easy for Ruburt to pick up, because of his mother and the arthritis, and because of this Father Ryan, whose back was injured. He constantly picks up and reacts to your moods, subconscious as well as conscious, interprets them, and translates them into physical realities, because of your sychic closeness and his strong telepathic abilities.

I am sparing no one here, incidentally, for your benefits. He is prone to criticism; that is, he is prone to being criticized. He picked up the feeling that although you wanted him home writing, you were also envious and resentful. Yet he loves you. He felt you were being stiff-necked, and identified here.

He adopted the stiff-necked symptom, which has been with him off and on.

He also felt guilty however at being taken care of, for the stiff neck was also therefore a punishment. He feared he was being taken care of as his mother was; and that you must resent it symbolically, as he resented it, taking care of her, and therefore the bed difficulty.

For the bed reinforced the mother image for him. There is much more here, and we will cover what we can, and fill in when we can. The poor eyesight and the sinus are both, on a much limited scale, adaptations of his mother's more frightening and more successful efforts to close out portions of reality.

The sinus is made worse by heat, because at home he always wanted to open the windows and escape, and could not. You should, whenever you move again, have all rooms with more than one window if at all possible, for this also has a connection with the thyroid. The need to escape is now latent only; but windows symbolize the way to escape, and closed places frighten him.

This session may help, but the mechanisms are so involved that it will be a while, even with my help, before this need for spaciousness, comparatively speaking, leaves him.

I am suggesting, Joseph, nothing. However as far as slee is concerned alone, he would sleep best in the back room or the front room, neither of which I believe is practical at this point. In any case this is not activated on all occasions by any means.

Now. The pressure has also several origins.

One, along with the recent irregular periods, is fairly obvious. His book is to be published, and since he is a female the book is his baby.

It will not be completely born until it hits the light of day. We have then pressure pains, extended abdomen, and irregular periods. (Seth much amused here.)

This is not all however, and I do not spare him.

He feels that your eyes are upon him to see that he puts in a full working day, and he feels that he must because you do. Without your hel he feels guilty, staying home. His nature is strongly intuitive and spontaneous. It needed discipline, and you helped here to a truly astounding degree.

Now however he feels under pressure , hence the pressure again in the abdomen, again connected with his work; for he feels that he must be at the typewriter five or six hours steadily, daily, or he is not keeping up his part of the bargain.

Now. He would produce as much, if not more, and of better quality, were he not so rigorous in this respect. For after a certain point of discipline is reached, he will operate well and effectively. But ideas will come to him in better fashion if he allots part of the day to spontaneous thinking. He sops ideas up in a spontaneous manner, and when it seems that he plays, even to him, he is working.

This feeling was heightened after a discussion in particular that you held in your room, and this is connected with your relationship, because he left his mother when he was [sick of taking care of her]

. His loyalty, once captured as you have captured it, is unbelievably enduring, but he is never sure basically of the loyalty of someone who supports him, which is regrettable.

One the other hand, this fear works for him, because he works harder as a writer to pay you back. So it is not entirely negative or destructive, but partially channeled in a constructive fashion.

Your own background is important here, and he picks up your past feelings, you see. You truly have no respect for your mother, in the one instance that your father supported her, and she pushed him. There is a connection here with Ruburt's insistence on spending a part of his money on the apartment tangibly, where you could [see it] , and be reminded that he helped out.

At the same time it makes you slightly angry, for you feel two things.

One, that it is little enough; and two, because of your own envy of others who have more, that perhaps Ruburt means that [you should have] bought these things, while he means nothing of the sort.

The pressure, I am sorry to say, has also some connection with our sessions, in that he feels caught betwixt and between; somewhat under ressure to hold sessions regularly, although he may not feel like articularly doing so; and under pressure not to hold sessions when he may feel particularly like doing so. This in relation to the abdomen.

He feels more pressure to hold sessions now regularly because of our doctor, and more pressure not to hold sessions when he feels the urge to, because of your own fears; that is, your fears and his fears.

This I intend to clarify. Now. Ruburt is bearing up well this evening, with my help. I can clarify further here on his health after a break, or you may end the session.

(I guess we'll end it then.)

I will then wish you my best and heartiest regards.

(I'd like to thank you very much.)

I am indeed, under usual circumstances, at your beck and call. (Seth amused.)

("Good night, Seth.")

(End at 12:11. Jane was well dissociated. Her pace had been fast, her voice about average, her eyes open wide most of the time. She had smoked many cigarettes and her voice was somewhat dry.)