Session 369

(SESSION 369 (DELETED)]

[OCTOBER 4, 1967 9:15 PM WEDNESDAY]

(This session is deleted from the record.)

(Jane again began speaking rapidly, her eyes opening at times, as she sat on the divan.)

Good evening.

(Good evening, Seth.)

Give us a moment, please. (Pause.) Now. When the overly conscientious self and the spontaneous self are working well together there are no difficulties, and Ruburt has the full use of his remarkable energy, and it is well focused.

It is only when a schism develops that the overly conscientious self becomes quite unreasoning in its demands and expectations. The spontaneous self then becomes defiant, and at times purposely needles the portion of the personality it believes would hold it back.

This material coming out through the sessions frightened the whole ersonality, and there has been some uproar, which is quite understandable. The problem is somewhat one of definition and understanding.

The overly conscientious self defines good in rather narrow terms, and no effort has been made to reeducate it, or very little. Ruburt as a child was highly mystical, and also overly conscientious and overdemanding of himself, and afraid of his own spontaneity and natural appetites.

The church at that point united the personality however, both parts of the personality agreeing on the definition of good. The spontaneous self was the first to break away, and forcibly. It was at the time strong and owerful enough to have its way, and it did not have experience enough behind it. Now a whole new uniting principle has been realized by the spontaneous self, but little attempt was made to enlarge the definitions of good on the part of the overly conscientious self.

Some of the very attitudes considered good by the spontaneous self were diametrically opposed to the ideas of good held by the overly conscientious self. Writing had always united the personality. The direction of the writing changed, and this further seemed to threaten basic held inner beliefs of the overly conscientious self.

What Ruburt believes to be his intellectual skepticism is the voice of the overly conscientious self in quite limited Catholic terms.

The overly conscientious self is afraid of emotion and display, and hence quite terrified of any ideas of communicating with survival ersonalities. The word God embarrasses it beyond measure, simply because the word no longer means what the overly conscientious self was taught to believe what it meant. It was not the Catholic God. It fears the taking of false gods, you see.

The overly conscientious self is also deeply emotional, though in Ruburt it often hides under the guise of intellectualism. In one way the spontaneous self used the church as long as it could, as an outlet for its own rich emotional extension. The overly conscientious self fears to use the word of God, or the word God. Ruburt thinks this is because he is afraid of being made to feel a fool. In actuality the overly conscientious self has not been educated, and is deeply terrified that Ruburt is taking false gods.

The whole personality knows quite well that the spirit survives and that the personality is capable of communicating with such spirits. To the overly conscientious self however this is not Catholic nor legitimate.

At the same time the whole personality is deeply committed and has always been, to such a psychic examination of existence. Even the overly conscientious self is engrossed despite itself.

It wants to know, and it resents the fact that it has been so left in the dark. It is the authoritative part of Ruburt that often takes charge even in psychic matters, and highly relevant. It has been reached. The fact that he has worked without reprisal on his dream book shows this.

At night the two portions have been squabbling, in an attempt to make their peace, hence his discomfort. (In sleeping.) His erformance last evening showed however a greater participation of the overly conscientious self in the psychic work, showing itself as authority and confidence. It is not of itself limiting in our work by any means, but there has been constant and deep misunderstanding that came to a head last winter, was somewhat resolved, but still continued.

As a result Ruburt very seldom relaxed physically, and this has been largely the cause of his symptoms. The muscles fought each other.

(Last night Jane held her ESP class at the home of Ruth Klebert, and was very successful in demonstrating table tipping. Jane told me she really felt a focus of concentrated power emanating through her hands; even when they did not touch the table, the table obeyed.)

He denied himself release in the sex act. The overly conscientious self tried to call a halt to pleasure until the issue was settled. The spontaneous self fought back bitterly. Both sides brought to bear emotional issues from the past that served to illustrate or strengthen their own position, so that Ruburt was pulled willy-nilly.

Aspects from the past were grossly exaggerated, and any normal sensitivity highly intensified by one portion of the personality or the other. Little surprise that he became relatively immobile. The supra-conscious self tried, but the overly conscientious self deepened a reliminary distrust for me, and would not allow me to speak out clearly.

You became an unwilling ally of the overly conscientious self in almost every issue faced by you and Ruburt. This affected the spontaneity of our sessions, and serves to explain the intense emotional climate that ervaded concerning both Fell and the issue of going to work. (F. Fell, Jane's publisher.)

Ruburt liked jobs where he was outside and free. The spontaneous self enjoyed them. The overly conscientious self demanded that this was not work enough. It did not pay penance enough for the fact that you were working at Artistic. This, combined with your attitude that he take a normal job, almost literally paralyzed him, for your voice was added, [in his mind you see] , reinforcing the rigid attitude of the overly conscientious self. It deeply distrusted the spontaneity allowed in such jobs.

The nursery school, in a basement, made him feel imprisoned. The substitute teaching pleased the spontaneous self by its very unpredictability and change of location. The overly conscientious self resented it for the same reasons; and again your voice was unwittingly added in Ruburt's mind.

The desire for punishment led him to contemplate doing the program, but under a guise to fool the spontaneous self. Here very fortunately you refused to be an ally of the overly conscientious self, and half the ressure was relieved from Ruburt. He was free enough to resist. (The Alan Burke TV show in NYC in August, 1967.)

The poverty angle reaches in here for you both, but I intend to give you my own ideas and suggestions in the very near future. You may take a break and we shall continue.

(9:46. Jane's pace continued fast, her eyes opening at times. After break, at 9:48, she once again lay down on the couch to resume. This time she was on her side, facing me.)

Now. The overly conscientious self has always seen itself in male terms because of the God concept, of the God being male.

The spontaneous self has seen itself in female terms. When Ruburt imagines that he does not like women therefore, this is the reason. I believe the personality is now coming to terms with itself.

Spontaneously the personality always felt at one with All That Is. While he was in the church the overly conscientious self agreed with the terms. Later it became more and more confused.

This deprived Ruburt of the deeply-rooted sense of inner natural unity when he began to rationalize this or examine it intellectually; he already questioned it, and the questioning was on the part of the overly conscientious self. Progress is being made since our first session on this subject. (The 367th Session for October 1, 1967.)

I do suggest that you get some enjoyment away from your apartment when you can.

Father Ryan and Father Traynor have been notified. I will myself give Ruburt some additional help while he is in astral form later this evening.

I am going to cover the question of your tremor and other difficulty in one session more or less devoted to those questions. The bedroom window should be opened for him, and for now at least the bed moved a few inches out into the room. Under the circumstances this is enough for this session. We shall take up the matter again however at our next session also. I am keeping this session brief to minimize reactions.

Do you have any particular questions you feel should be covered this evening?

("Just the one; what do you think of the suggestions Jane wrote out the day after the 387th Session, and which she has been reading to herself several times daily since?"]

(Interestingly, Jane lost this paper yesterday.)

At our next session I will give him definite suggestions to use. In the meantime what he has been doing is adequate.

("Okay, that's it. Good night, Seth.")

(10:00. Jane still lay on the couch, her eyes open often. But she had been restless, and it was quite obvious she didn't want the session to last very long.]

(I had written out a list of questions that Jane read over before the session. Some of them were answered tonight in Seth's own way.)