Session 373

(SESSION 373 (DELETED)]

[OCTOBER 18, 1967 9 PM WEDNESDAY]

(This session is deleted from the record. Before the session Jane and I held a general discussion re her improvement, my parents' serious situation, Jane's recent days of writing poetry. Including one she wrote today involving her grandfather.)

[(Once again Jane sat on the divan, and began speaking for Seth, in trance, at a rather fast pace, with her eyes opening often.)

Good evening.

(Good evening, Seth.)

Ruburt's poem is of help to him, springing as it did from both levels of his personality. The "no" being rejected is rigidity.

The overly conscientious self also wants freedom of motion toward goals with which it agrees. It operates in a restricting fashion only when deeply suspicious of goals, and this suspicion is usually generated by a lack of communication.

The overly conscientious self is life- sustaining , however. It gives a steady abundance of energy when it approves of overall commitments. It must so approve for any advancements to be made.

This gives direction to the spontaneous self. It does not limit the fields of endeavor however. It simply attempts to keep the self united and the energies clearly focused.

It is cohesive. It can become highly stubborn when ignored. It is a rock-bottom portion of the self, a Taurus characteristic (Jane is a Taurus) . Of great benefit when it is not ignored, it needed reeducation, and is being reassured now.

It was somewhat overdeveloped in function because of early experience. It can be placid, peace-giving and very agreeable when it does not feel crossed. Because of its distorted ideas it was roused into a frenzy. It is now withdrawing to a more normal position.

It is more than reassured now. It is somewhat astonished to discover that the spontaneous self is no enemy, but a friend and ally. Already it has released energy for the use of the personality. The energy was bottled up in symptoms.

The suggestions Ruburt has written down are excellent, and are helping considerably. He is expressing his salvation now through his poetry, which is natural for both portions of the self. This will also be felt in his dream book, however.

The overly conscientious self has distrusted frivolity. This still somewhat concerns it. This comes from the Irish grandmother. A suggestion that gaiety and frivolity are also natural aspects of life, and joyful celebrations of existence, harmless, in fact beneficial play exercises on the part of the soul, will help here.

Before bed this evening let Ruburt read his suggestions twice. This will take care of any lingering doubts on the part of the overly conscientious self concerning the success implied in the Fell letter.

(In the last session, 372nd, October 16, 1967, Seth predicted good sales for Jane's ESP book. The next day Jane got a letter from F. Fell in which he outlined plans for the start of a national ad campaign to romote the book. First ad already scheduled in a national ublication.)

For Venice, a small note: I believe AA was indeed a family friend when she was very young in this existence.

(This re an entity, AA, received when Jane practices table-tipping with one of her ESP students, Venice McCullough.)

Ruburt should continue as he has been, and further blocks of symptoms will drop away. At the same time larger amounts of energy will be restored for the personality's beneficial purposes. The experiments with the table only represent a beginning for Ruburt. He is in other words at the beginning of a new venture.

Give us a moment. (Pause.)

Your own symptom, the hand, representing uncertainty in your work. You felt a shaky foundation. You felt that your talent was giving you but a shaky foundation or basis within economic and social realities.

(Jane now began to pause more often. Her delivery slowed somewhat and her eyes were closed much of the time.)

Anger that your art did not bring you more money. You felt that if your hand were surer you would be better recompensed. You were angry at your talent, wishing it were one that was more quickly recognized in financial terms in your society.

(I still do, I suppose. I still have the tremor.)

The attitude itself helps cause that reality, to which you then react.

When you were attempting to take your father's place, you used your talent as your mother wanted you to. She had no use for your father's talent of inventiveness, because he did not use it to make money.

You were a commercial artist to make your mother happy, and to take your father's place as breadwinner.

You were guiltily aware of this, and punish yourself by refusing to allow yourself to make money with good paintings now. This is that key to understanding, Joseph.

("Yes." Jane's delivery was emphatic, her eyes open.)

To paint paintings for joy was an act of defiance against your mother, and so you have punished yourself in several ways; by being overly concerned with their quality, insisting upon perfection, and by not making strong efforts to sell them or to work for recognition in that field.

To search for perfection within your art is good. The drive is good. But this is something different. Each painting has a spontaneous reality that you have often refused to acknowledge. (Pause.) Carried to extremes this could smother the spontaneous spark that is the heart of each painting.

Had you continued engrossed entirely in the commercial field your ainting would not have developed. Your father would not have worked as a photographer. You could have become all but sexually your mother's husband. This was avoided.

(Long pause, eyes closed.) This session itself should aid your understanding enough to allow some improvement almost immediately in the condition itself. Two issues are involved. The painting was an act of defiance against your mother, an act of independence. She approved of the commercial art because it made money. Therefore if you made money through your paintings, then subconsciously you thought that your mother would still be getting her way. You see?

("Yes." Again, Jane was very emphatic.)

Not allowing yourself to make money through paintings also allowed you to punish yourself for what you considered this act of defiance. Two purposes in the main were served. This also affected your work itself to some degree, in that you sometimes inserted qualities in the paintings to hold people off, a remoteness.

Now all of this operates at varying degrees, you see. The symptom was the recognition of conflict. (Pause.) Rest your hand a moment.

(9:50. Jane's pace again slower.)

Commercial work also still rankles. Beside other considerations you feel, subconsciously again, that you still serve your mother's purposes: art for money, and that therefore your initial act of defiance and independence is not complete.

Working as you have also rouses associations with your father. (Long ause, eyes closed.)

We will take a break or end the session. We will go further into this material, but have reached some that is difficult to get through clearly.

("We'll take the break, then.")

(10:04. Jane said she had been well dissociated. I thought that perhaps Seth asked about an end to the session because Jane was blocking material about me she thought I might not like to hear. We now had a discussion about my motives in painting; I hoped it would release any blocks Jane might have set up. Seth then broke in at 10:15.)

Now.. We shall discuss this.

You made large attempts to close yourself off from deep emotion, in reaction against your mother's emotionalism, and largely because you felt emotionalism was false. With her, emotionalism was often an excuse.

You therefore believed all emotionalism to be of this nature. Ruburt was of great benefit to you here. In the beginning feeling and emotion sparked or initiated your paintings, but you worked it out of them to some considerable degree, not trusting it, and therefore not trusting the particular painting. So you did not feel justified in accepting money or payment for it.

Give us a moment. (Pause. Head down.) Now hear me. Using what you have learned here tonight, you can use your ability more freely.

(Pause.) You can step out, so to speak, you can allow yourself to rely upon the integrity of spontaneity as it applies to your ainting and to your talent.

What you want is not a perfection which is rigid, but the ever-balancing action of spontaneous motion, a balance precariously maintained for a moment through ever-approaching and receding imbalances that result in objects.

The perfection that you seek is not ever a finished, but a becoming quality. The technical ability gives a poised point through which these realities can emerge. The technique that is yours and is excellent should be the point of departure that sends the spontaneous action into new reality, and not a rigid mold to contain it.

Your potential is now. It did not exist as you conceive of it (Jane, lying back on the couch, turned to face me) , until you felt free to let it emerge, and you did not. You should now.

(Pause.)

(Well, what do you think of these temperas I've been working on then?)

Wait. (Pause, hand raised.) I am concerned over your arbitrary idea of age and advancement in terms of what you should expect at your age. (A point I rather deliberately made during discussion at last break.) This is limiting in concept, and rather uncharacteristic of you in larger respects.

("I think I'm quite aware of these larger aspects. I usually think of it in that way."]

(Jane nodded, eyes closed.)

Your artistic abilities, because of their power, demand other abilities for their fulfillment, and you are now just becoming free enough to develop these other abilities. Your career should be ahead of you.

("Well, I think of it that way. It just makes me mad to think I could have been doing some of this in the past---with the use of hindsight."]

(Pause.) We will have more on this subject. You may now take a break or end as you prefer.

(We might as well end it then, I guess.)

You are heading in the right direction. Only faith in your own abilities will allow you to be daring.

(After a long pause Jane came out of trance at 10:28. She said she had been much farther out than usual, and believed this was due to tonight's material; she was afraid of hurting me. For this reason my questions and comments bothered her, she said. We discussed my abstract paintings briefly, speculating on the reasons people were attracted to them, and Seth came through briefly at 10:30.)

Now. For you the abstracts also represent excellent exercises in the free flow of spontaneity, and this benefits your other paintings also.

The other questions that you have in mind, and such material, will be discussed in our next session.

("Okay." 10:32.)