February 21, 1972

[DELETED SESSION]

[FEBRUARY 21, 1972 MONDAY 9:43 PM]

(Deleted. February 21, 1972, Marathon, Florida. 9:43 PM Monday.)

[(This session is a continuation of those for February 16 and February 19. Jane's voice was very quiet.)

Now---you see how softly I can speak.

(Yes.)

Again, let me start off in my own fashion.

You, personally, have been gravely perturbed because of your job for some time. You tried to shove the discontent aside, hoping that you could continue it to practical beneficial ends. You were to some extent outraging a portion of your being, for whatever reasons.

The basic discontent colored your other attitudes, both toward your environment, your own work, and other people. (Very good.)

It became---relatively now---a displaced discontent. You felt that there was nothing you could do about the situation, that there was no reason to worry about it, but the anxiety was displaced then, draining your energies.

Now, we are speaking comparatively here now, you understand.

(Yes.)

When you begin devoting your time to your painting you will be satisfying then a deep need of your being, and therefore energized. You will feel personally that you are solving problems that you are meant to solve, problems that are nevertheless created challenges having to do with the nature of painting, problems then and challenges that you consider quite worthwhile.

This will give you a much more optimistic attitude in general.

Personalities are as diverse and unique as flowers or fish. There is no need to compare one type of personality with another than there is to compare a toad to a bird, or an ant to an elephant.

It does help however if you understand that birds must fly if you are a bird. It does help for example if elephants do not try to build anthills. So there is no need to compare personalities in a judging way, merely to know your own.

Ruburt's energies will be released in the same way. I am sure that you appreciated the encounter that took place the other evening, under my auspices. (On February 19.) What was said should show you that Ruburt's condition also became the focus of your combined discontents, the physical picture of it. The energy to maintain it, almost (underlined) in direct proportion to your combined discontents, was composed of the displaced energy not put into your rime purposes. This is difficult to verbalize precisely--- ("I understand." I thought Seth was doing very well.)

---built up by unsolved problems. A concentration upon your individual and combined work, your practical plans in that direction, will promote an enthusiasm that you have not felt jointly or individually in years.

You will [know that you are on the right track] .

(Quite humorously, Seth's voice burst out loud and strong, to rise above the roar and screech of a nearby car taking off at high rpm from a standing start. The voice then quieted at once as the car roared away.)

The symptoms therefore will be released as that energy or concentration is placed back where it belongs, into creative and practical action. You felt as if you could not move also, and before Ruburt's symptoms began.

You felt this psychologically; do you follow me?

(Yes.)

Your discussion this evening was beneficial and showed a point in rogress on both of your parts. Earlier Ruburt would have become alarmed and frightened, felt you were being negative, and discouraged at any verbal and emotional encounter with the feelings that you expressed, recisely because they brought into the open feelings of his. This time however he recognized that earlier he would have brooded and gone to bed, leaving you to brood alone at his ways.

The ordinary fears connected with any such discussion should be discussed. Only in this way are they faced, encountered and cast aside. They do not grow then in secrecy, and gather charges.

Do you want a rest?

(10:04. "No, I'm okay for the moment.")

The change of environment has been and is good for both of you in ways you may not presently comprehend. A few you glimpse. It is obviously good for you to look at the world simply from a different viewpoint. It is particularly good that you see the situation here in Florida, on the spot, so that you feel free in making choices---a real Florida, not a fantasized one.

Your journey will also allow you to perceive your Elmira (New York) environment when you return in a fresher light, and your circumstances there.

A point, if you do not want a break now: [Concentration must not be on Ruburt's symptoms] . Underline many times.

A point now that I want you to heed in advance: In the past, because of joint negative attitudes, I have given the reasons for some of these.

Improvements in Ruburt's condition were ignored (underlined) largely by both of you, and instead concentration was upon the symptoms that still remained.

After the first bad bouts for example, when he improved enough to go u and down stairs without even limping, when he was agile enough at least to climb some rocks at the Glen (Enfield, near Ithaca, NY) , to swim after being largely incapacitated, you both acted as if the improvements meant nothing, discounted them largely, and concentrated upon those symptoms that did indeed still remain.

I am not saying that he was completely better then, but the improvements far outweighed the symptoms at that time. Do not let that happen again.

That was the result of discounting improvements as they did show themselves, and this applies to both of you.

Now I will give you a break, and continue.

(10:13---10:15.)

Now---tell him what I said later.

(Okay.)

You chose to do what you did, individually and jointly. In narrow terms you can say that you both made a mistake. In larger terms no error was made. You simply happen to be dealing with the area of activity in which terms like "mistake" appears valid. Do you follow me?

(Yes.)

Practically speaking, while you had any kind of a job you were ill at ease and off balance. You compared your lot with that of others who had jobs also. There was only a difference in degree.

Your own attitude was partially set by your father's innate and quite strong sense of independence. He hated to work for anyone else. The same applies to Ruburt's background, mainly with his grandfather. You would have felt freer had you tried to freelance; for freelancing, while it would have produced long range its own problems would have allowed you a greater sense of freedom.

Here you were influenced, where Ruburt was not, toward a job because of ideas of security that came from your mother, and, despite your conscious evaluations, from the activities of your brothers. Your having a job made sense to you therefore for these reasons, more so than it did to Ruburt, who had no such countering influences. Now give me a moment.

(Pause at 10:27.)

The entire environment concerning your brothers' homes, and the implications, always upset Ruburt, for he sensed that influence.

I want you to anticipate then that uprush of energy you will most certainly feel. The problems that beset you were so aggravating recisely because in a sense they were not your natural set of problems.

You always have the energy and the means to meet the deepest needs of your own personality, but not to meet the needs of other kinds of ersonalities.

(Very good.)

Now. I will tell you something else. You felt that you owed it to your mother to try a secure type of financial arrangement, as far as you were ersonally able to do so. You realized that a full-time job was out of the question. Remember at least that you did not fall into that trap, and that you both had enough sense to avoid it.

The type (underlined) of commercial art you did as a young man was not the answer, but served many purposes. It gave you prestige and money. It gave you practice, but beyond the point that you pursued it, it could have frozen your abilities. The prestige and money, tied to your mother's hopes, could have led you into other channels of commercial art that would have led you completely astray as far as fine art is concerned.

To you a part-time job helped compensate. You feared losing status in your family's eyes by casting yourself completely aside into areas alien to them. You also felt that this would equate you in your mother's eyes with your father. She, your mother, went with the main stream. Your father did not. You did not want to hurt her feelings particularly in the beginning. Your mother did think of Ruburt as a threat, for she recognized at once that Ruburt would not encourage the tendencies that she herself respected.

All of this I tell you because it should help clear up some of the reasons for your actions. Beside Ruburt's "natural leaning" (in quotes)

characteristic dislike of families then, there was the "outsiders"

argument, and you were often put in the middle.

Your family to Ruburt was one of society trying to make you toe the mark, hence his often exaggerated reactions. As you know, spontaneously Ruburt would state your position to your family as a symbolic statement to the world at large for those reasons.

What you do in that regard is not nearly as important as an understanding of your attitudes. The basic "problem" (in quotes) again therefore has festered, gone underground, in the past. It was obviously one born from your basic creative natures---a challenge rather than a roblem, but one that was interwoven with all kinds of social and economic and family connotations.

Finally your way of life became not a symbol of what you were, as it was for a while, but more largely a symbol of what you did not want to be, jointly and together.

Ruburt did not have, again, those influences working on him that worked on you to prolong the situation. Danger signals only too apparently showed with you as soon as you accepted full-time work. They became unbearable, and you quite the course quickly. The part-time course filled some of those other mentioned subsidiary needs however, so this you found more bearable.

Ruburt also of course knew this, as he knew about your curly-headed friend the other night (at the Hurricane bar, amused) , and he reacted vehemently, particularly against your parents. To hel support your mother, particularly in the beginning under the situation as he sensed it, and with all of his other anti-mother sentiments, was the greatest of outrages. This is another reason for his actions on the Sunday visits. Hopefully, this will help you both understand.

You can have a break or I will continue.

("We'll take the break.")

(10:51. Jane's trance had been deep, her pace fast. 11:01.)

Now we will shortly close. I want to remind you however that I went to considerable pains to give you some of the important reasons why you both had a tendency, a strong one, toward repression. Why Ruburt began by repressing unpleasant ideas, and why you initially began by repressing hopeful ones.

("Yes. I know it." This material is at home, and will be reviewed when we get there.)

Now. If you understand the reasons, and do as I have suggested then you will be involved with the real issues, not basically (underlined) superficial ones---like why does Ruburt have trouble going down the step.

("Yes." This had been a question I had mentioned for tonight.)

That becomes merely another symbol for the inner difficulty. Do not concentrate upon that.

(I don't think we are, now.)

Part of the difficulty is that it has become a symbol of Ruburt's disabilities at this point. At home the stairs are the symbols. After working one day, Ruburt expects instant results. Now there have been results. As you begin to make your own work plans, and work, this will also generate results. Remember the encounter (of February 19) ---it was with a part of both of your ersonalities, not only Ruburt's.

I suggest that you do some sketching. Now. As you progress our sessions can also be freed for other endeavors. As the natural flow of your energies returns to your work, so will greater energy be released in the sessions as well. The part of the sessions in your lives as applied to your Elmira existence so far will be covered at another time. Obviously there is a connection, you see. And now ---I bid you a fond good evening.

(Good evening, Seth. Thank you very much. Good night.)

I could come through far stronger, but I do not want to frighten the natives.

("I understand. It's appreciated.")

(11:13. Again Jane's trance had been deep. She didn't remember any of the material. We had just begun discussing it when Seth returned briefly.)

Remind me at our next session to say something about spontaneity and scheduling, as applied to your daily lives. Ruburt does not like scheduling from without , applied from the outside, in other words. And neither do you.

("All right.")

(11:14.)