January 26, 1981

[DELETED SESSION]

[JANUARY 26, 1981 9:30 PM MONDAY]

(This afternoon I mailed to Prentice-Hall the corrected page proofs for) The God of Jane [.]

(This is the first session Jane has held since giving the deleted one for last January 7. Once again, she was very uncomfortable as she sat in her chair across the coffee table from me. Earlier today---as she reaffirmed now---she'd said more than once that she wanted to "get back to the sessions, no matter what," or how she felt. Her bodily condition resented rather large contrasts: Her upper body was very relaxed, her eyes bleary. Her arms were longer, as they had been for some time now.

Her backside was sore, as well as her hips and inner thighs at the groin; she couldn't move forward easily. At the same time her upper legs above the knees were "soft and mushy," while below the knees the muscles were hard and tight. Yet her feet were in good shape. These are the highlights of her condition. This morning she'd slept for an hour before lunch.)

(This week especially has also been one of emotional turmoil for us, and for many others, on the national scene: the inauguration of President Reagan; the freeing of the American hostages by Iran, and their return to this country in stages. Steve and Tracy Blumenthal have also lent us a complete videotaping set, and we've experimented a little bit with filming Jane reading poetry. The Gallaghers have also been featured. We're waiting for an extension cord from Steve for the TV camera so we can try to record sessions. I've wanted to try to film Jane reading poetry in the meantime, but each time I think of asking her ---usually at night---I can see that she's so uncomfortable that I let it go.)

(Jane has had some interesting nighttime experiences in connection with the hostages, and has written the brief note attached to the session.

She hasn't been able to really explain them yet; perhaps Seth will comment. My own guess is that she's touched upon some probable events.)

(Jane said she felt Seth around by 9:20, but that she thought the session would be a short one. I told her I was primarily interested in but two things, both personal: her reactions to) Mass Events and God of Jane [in connection with her symptoms, and what was going on in her backside and hips. She hasn't "walked" for weeks now---since last year---and the hip problems especially have persisted now for a number of months. I wanted to hear from Seth something about why her body was taking so long to respond in those areas.]

(Tomorrow, the hostages meet President Reagan at the White House. See my files for much material on the whole hostage question of recent months.)

[(The night before this session was held Jane suggested that each day we read over a session, or talk or review some notes, as a way to give ourselves a "pep talk" and to lead us into the day. So the day of the session, after breakfast this morning, we reread the deleted session for January 7, 1981, which is a very good one. And this morning---Tuesday---I read last night's session to Jane from my notes, since I didn't have it typed yet.)

Good evening.

(Good evening. Seth.)

Now: every individual alive is intimately concerned at certain levels with all of the national and global challenges in the political and social and religious arena.

I do not want to oversimplify, but it is as if each generation or group of generations seeks it own overall themes, about which the world will be organized. Those will appear in the private lives of citizens and in private dreams and in national events, or global ones, so that both arenas of activity are always intimately involved.

You knew ahead of time the kind of world you would be entering. The challenges that you and Ruburt both accepted have been discussed often, and to some extent they mirrored the challenges of the world at large.

It is only of late, relatively speaking, that some of those issues have begun to rather clearly show themselves in the arena of public events, however.

Ruburt found it very difficult to take a public stand, as separate from, say, a private one. My book and his---that is, [Mass Events]

and [God of Jane] ---both do take public stands. They comment clearly on issues that affect individual and private, and national or community behavior. The importance of impulses was stressed in articular, and the acceptance of such an idea is important to Ruburt's recovery , of course---but also vital in the behavior of nations.

It may seem that nations behave only too impulsively, that for example the just-released American hostages were kidnapped as a result of highly impulsive behavior. In fact, that event might only seem to prove that impulsive behavior is basically aggressive, undependable, and chaotic.

As a matter of fact, the students took such regrettable actions not because they gave into impulsive behavior, but because the road to true impulsive expression had been blocked so long that such actions became one of the few possible ways of giving vent to certain expressions. When you are a hostage you cannot express your own impulses, of course. Your free will is highly curtailed for all practical purposes. It is curtailed because the number of impulses are so drastically reduced by circumstance.

Whenever, and for whatever reasons you block the normally free flow of impulses, you also curtail the exercise of free will, for free will involves you in the experience of choosing between the actualization of one impulse or another. The captors then cut down on the freedom of the hostages by reducing the number of impulses to which the hostages could respond. This is all so clear that it is difficult to express step by step. The telling itself makes the affair seem complex---but whether or not you are dealing with private behavior, with the treatment of one person in regard to his or her own impulses, or whether you are dealing with a mass event of political nature, involving the enforced blockage of impulses on the part of one group toward another, you are necessarily cutting down on the exercise of free will.

(Long pause at 9:49.) In a way, the external politics of the situation within your country is helping Ruburt to understand his own osition far better than he did earlier. It is helping him clarify some issues. There were always two faces to his endeavors---the private search for understanding, and the public expression as a writer. In a fashion this applies to most endeavors of a creative kind. The painter's ainting is a result of a private search, but in a gallery it becomes a ublic expression.

Largely ---for I am simplifying here to some considerable degree, but largely---Ruburt felt little difficulties to be encountered in his private search, but in their [public expression] he was far more cautious. It is impossible, of course, to really separate the two, but as his work became better known, the private search became more of a public issue.

Years ago, when the Gallery of Silence people began to bug him, he felt threatened, afraid that he would become the brunt of fanatics or extremists. He was nevertheless determined to take some kind of a public stand---for not to do so would mean not to express himself through his books at all. He knew he would never give into that course, but he felt that some of that dates back to childhood habits and beliefs, when his very food and bed was given him by the auspices of the ublic.

He was taught to be very cautious lest that livelihood be taken away.

The only private fears he had were also old ones, having to do with the whole false-prophet syndrome, the fear of leading people down the garden ath, and so forth. Those private and public arenas became connected, however. (Long pause.) He was worried that his natural expression and search, publicly expressed at that point in history, was dangerous because it put him in the gaze of a growing band of fanatics on the one hand, and also roused old fears of a private nature, having to do with the overall validity of revelatory information.

(10:05.) He would not stop expressing himself, but immediately felt he needed greater protection. To some extent he doubted his own vision---see the connection with his eye difficulty. Despite this he went on with some considerable courage, determination and vigor in my book and his own to encounter the nitty-gritty, so to speak, to bring out the issues clearly to himself and to the world.

The information in [Mass Events] and in our sessions helped him use impulses to a far better degree than he had before, and helped him keep some balance, let him advance in understanding despite the period of difficulty. Still at various times and throughout the period, he used [what he thought of as] that additional protection: the symptoms kept him inside, where it seemed he could indeed express himself with the least duress. At the same time he was learning that expression denied at one level means expression denied to some extent at all levels (louder) ---so that of course his creative work also suffered to some degree.

Realizing that, he made considerable efforts to change his attitudes and beliefs. The national situation has somewhat changed. The challenges are more out in the open now. He does not feel that he is involved alone, as he did before: the fanatics, for example, are everywhere---quite visible, and if they might find his work offensive, he is hardly alone.

He has, therefore, been involved in the nitty-gritty. This means that he has been encountering his own beliefs, arguing with them--- changing them at very elemental levels.

You have definite signs of the body's overall positive response: the arms are straighter, the feet stronger, the ankles more flexible, and overall adjustments are constantly being made. With all this you have the changes in the thighs and hips, so that the muscular rigidity has definitely given away. The entire stance is altering and the circulation improving.

(10:20.) At the same time, he has been extremely uncomfortable. Each day the entire body is learning to relax more. The flesh becomes more pliable, and as that occurs in response to his newer beliefs in safety, still he must reassure himself that all is (underlined) well, and give permission for further release.

This is a stage, then, in that process---one in which he is holding his own. The period, however, can and should be shortened. Your free and open communication with each other on this subject can be of far more value than either of you realize, and it is really the only primary oint of contention right now. That is, he is dispensing with the beliefs behind the problems fairly well, so it is only on the issue of safety, and the safety of relaxation, that he is still concerned.

There is considerable experimentation on the body's part when he sleeps, and it does try out positions that as yet he does not take when waking.

Helpful massage on your part will also be of value, because of what it implies.

There is much material, of course, dealing with the hostage situation, for as it in a fashion echoes Ruburt's own situation, so it also symbolizes the situations of many people, which is why the affair captures the attention of the world. Have Ruburt use his recorded suggestions again for a while. (Pause.) Ruburt feels that some of the threats he felt hidden in the world are now out in the open. They actually seem less dangerous than they did before for that reason. To some extent or another there are always social as well as private aspects to a person's state of health.

(10:30.) The understandings that Ruburt is now achieving are recisely the ones needed. What is left is reassurance that each ste along the way is safe and supported. It is important for him to remember the effortlessness with which increased flexibility can come. It can come as easily as your income does (with humor, referring to my work on taxes the last two days) . It is important that he not worry, or project his difficulties into the future---and while he does much better at that than he did, he still needs the reminder.

End of session.

(Can I ask a question?)

You may.

("I know we've gone over it many times, but I need some refreshing on why he's equated the lack of mobility with protection. Is it because the immobility keeps him inside the house, where he feels safe, or....?"]

(Seth gave me a half-pitying look combined with one of willingness and understanding. I'd expected the reaction, but still wanted a concise definition that we could refer to.)

The material has been given countless times. Give us a moment....

He thought that im mobility kept him at his desk working, free from any impulses to do otherwise, since for many years he believed that the spontaneous self must be harnessed toward creativity, and that [left alone] it would have too many other interests.

At the same time he feared that the spontaneous self could get him into difficulties (long pause) , because he had no way of knowing where his own search might lead him---and particularly he feared that it might lead him into conflict with the rest of the world.

The immobility protected him, so he thought, from encountering any such outside conflicts, and insured his continuing creativity by cutting down other interests and distractions, and by organizing his time in a most economical fashion---or so it seemed. That is a simplified answer. The nuances, which are important, appear in many groups of sessions, given in the past, and also include his reaction to attitudes of your own, which to some extent helped form and solidify his own ideas in those regards.

End of session.

(Thank you very much.)

I bid you a fond good evening.

("The same to you. Good night.")

(10:42 PM. Jane closed her eyes as Seth, and when she opened them that ersonality was gone. The session had hardly been a short one; I told her it was excellent.]

("I was hardly aware of my ass or anything else," she said. "I felt a whole lot of stuff there on the hostages---stuff it would take forever to get, darn it...." So we talked about what a great book Seth could do on the hostage question. "Before you got through it would cover history, religion, science---the whole works," Jane said. I agreed that it would certainly encapsulate our whole civilized world structure before Seth finished it. "Forget it," Jane said. "We've got one half done now." She wanted to know what would happen to Seth's book on dreams in the meantime, and I explained that it would only wait until the other roject was finished. After all, it was waiting now for us to get back to it.)

(Jane had been restless during the session, but felt pretty good now. I thought the session contained many good things. It's Wednesday as I finish typing it. I typed half of it Tuesday night; but Tuesday morning, in keeping with our idea to ground ourselves in new ideas each day, I read the full session to her from my notes.)

(As I finished it this evening, however, I can see now that the session is even a better one that I'd thought. Actually, it contains the key to Jane's) [recovery ] [, and her progress continues. I massaged her thighs after supper. This afternoon, when I told her it was okay to relax, "even to walk," she said "something melted" inside her, and she became more relaxed. In fact, she slept for over an hour this morning. She planned to try for a session this evening, she said, as I went back to my typing.]

(I might add that Seth's capsule commentary on the reasons for her symptoms is just what I wanted, and that we ought to keep copies of it available for easy reference. The thought came to me after supper that Jane's doing the ESP classes probably contributed to the symptoms over the years, since the class situation was one in which she advanced her unconventional ideas to the public. I haven't had a chance to discuss this with her, but it seems possible that her disseminating her ideas to a large number of people, in person each week, could have struck her deep-seated need for protection.... If Jane reads this material before holding a session tonight, perhaps Seth can comment.)

(JANE'S NOTE ABOUT THE HOSTAGES)

(Today is Friday, January 23. The American hostages were released Tuesday, January 20. That day we watched the events on television. That night, all night it seemed, I was concerned with the hostages, uneasy, though I don't recall actual dreams. The next morning we learn on TV that they'd been badly mistreated....)

(Last night (Thursday) slept great. Again though all night it seemed I was involved someway with the hostages. All I recall was bewilderment that the world and everyone in it thought that the events were taking lace now, while they weren't in my time scheme at all. I think they were in the past from my viewpoint. The difference bothered me. Finally I decided that I'd just have to go along with the mass belief that the events were happening now and act as if they were, even if I knew better....]

[(After watching the televised events from all over the world, Tuesday night I dreamed that in the future all households would be connected to interconnecting computers, keeping track of all inhabitants, actions, goods, and so forth. Thursday in the mail receive a letter all about the new home-sized computers, how they worked, and how one could be used to work with our records and sessions....)